Saturday, February 3, 2007

post christmapocalypse

took off from rainy san francisco to do my boyfriendly duty of hanging with the girlfriend's family, who are a very animated (read: drunk) bunch.

after being in michigan during what is, apparently, the worst blizzard in 10 years, i'm fairly certain the "wonder" part of "winter wonderland" is less an expression of snowy beauty than it is an expression of wonder akin to "holy fucking SHIT that's a lot of snow." this is the weather report for today in battle creek. any time visibility is .3 miles, and that's a best case scenario, you know you're in trouble.

the funny thing is how proud the midwesterners are of their life-threatening weather. 6 months out of the year there's a chance of you dying just by being there. in summer, people drop like flies due to two of the four scariest words in the english language: "heat index." the other two pop up in the winter, "wind chill," which can be just as deadly. they like to make fun of the californian for being a weather fag, but shit, dude. don't pretend like you wouldn't be stoked if all of a sudden shit got nice year-round. house prices would soar through the roof. people would actually want to live there, due in no small part, i'm sure, to the fact that the chance of weather-related death no longer loomed around the corner of every other coming season.

i think they're just jealous that our weather is good and that they have like 20 types of natural disasters for each 1 of ours, and that our main form of natural disaster is more like a rollercoaster than anything they have.

but the food? oh shit. deidre's mom's cooking is almost enough to make me move into their garage out here. sheeit. midwestern cuisine finds ways to put ham where you didn't know it could go.

in closing: god bless you, the midwest. just ease up on the blizzard stuff, ok?

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