Tuesday, September 25, 2007

"sombody gonna get pregnant."

scene: golden gate park, at around 6:30 p.m. clear skies; bright, close sun; smooth breeze; indian summer evening. the kind of time you wish you could call everyone you love and say: hey, get over here, let's get drunk in the park and whatever. walking home from the comic book store, crisp new "52" trade paperback under my arm.

i'm walking fast, down 9th, into the park. bikes whiz and joggers plod past. there's a guy up ahead of me with a shopping bag, one shoulder lower than the other. i'm enjoying the evening.

i get closer to the guy. it looks like his bag is heavy. i'm right behind him. i then see the lcuky's bag he's holding is completely full of bloody, dripping red meat*. there's meat all the way to the bottom of the handle loops. it's got to be at least 10 pounds of meat. dripping meat.

mood ruined. entirely replaced by confusion, with a shot of amusement running through it.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

oh, and by the way

barry bonds' son is my t.a. how weird is that?


it's back to school night! FUCK YEAH! MINIMUM DAY AND WE GET OUT AT 1:55 AND SHIT... oh, but wait. i live 40 minutes away from work. and i have to be here from 7 to 9 tonight. well, then. i suppose i'll just... um... blog? and sit here, shoes off, feet smelling remarkably like sourkraut, necktie over a booger-encrusted student chair, desperately ignoring the billion and ten things i SHOULD be doing right now. fuckin a.

the upside: i called in sick tomorrow because of my fucked up ribs. they're a lot better, but i figured i should call in sick friday because i didn't call in sick when it REALLY hurt, on monday. trust me: this makes perfect sense. this is known, in business circles, as "paying it forward." no, wait. i mean, "the law of aggregate returns." or something. whatever. all i know is i'll be able to sleep another hour or two in the morning, which is the most important thing that each of us should take away from this conversation.

so, yeah. in a week i've torn through almost the entire ultimate spider-man run and i have to give it a grade of B. the first fifty issues were pretty spot on, character-wise, and, relatively speaking, art-wise. after issue fifty it all kind of turns into this weird, oddly self-referrential mush. i mean, come on: ultimate moon knight? ultimate master of kung-fu? who has a fucking BOWL CUT (p.s. bagley, what's the deal with you and bowl cuts? there are way too many of them in your stuff)? ultimate RONIN? bendis, shame on you for giving the world ultimate ronin. i understand how it all fits into the story, but that's like dj shadow sampling himself. wait, no. that's like dj jazzy jeff sampling himself. the story wasn't good enough to let that be "clever." it was more "silly."

in the middle chunk of that fifty-issue run, though, mark bagley really kind of started stepping up in the art dept; i really, really don't think he's a very good artist, but he had a run that was, relatively speaking, flawless. the first couple arcs are really bad, and the last few arcs are even worse (hello? BOWL CUT?). stuart immonenn, though, is fackin amazing (r.i.p. nextwave), and i think the book may have a renaissance thanks to him being hired. i certainly respect bagley being a workhorse and churning out issues nonstop, and comics needs guys like that around to show everyone how it's fucking done, but in the end i would rather just have a trade paperback with steve mcniven or travis charest art that took five years to finish than a timely, average book which doesn't do much other than give us totally underused ultimate b-list marvel characters and an ultimate daredevil that's... exactly like the normal one.

next time i write about bendis, remind me to talk about how it seems like his stories are made up as he goes, as if he's constantly dictating what he thinks would be cool to an ever-present comic geek stenographer. ok, i have to do work now. bye.

Monday, September 17, 2007


as in, i totally munched it on my bike last night. i rear-ended mike, the other guitar player in touch committee, going full fucking speed and let me tell you: this fat man FLEW. when i hit i basically elbowed myself in the ribs, so they're either bruised or cracked a bit, but other than that i'm pretty much okey dokey. it was kind of scary when it first happened, but no traumatic brain injury no foul i suppose.

i have been reading the entire ultimate spiderman run after never having read any of it. i just hit issue 51 and i have to say that my support of bendis is wavering. i think he's done some great stuff, but i think that great stuff tends to be finite things: avengers: disassembled, the illuminati stuff, secret war, that kind of stuff. but having an infinite sandbox to play in... i dunno. he gets the characters, for sure, but it's just so... so... drawn out. i mean, 50 issues in and there's been like 4 story arcs. i can blow through them and nothing really happens. i'm all for decompression in comics -- and i don't think that's the argument i'm trying to make, anyways -- but bagely's art is "meh" at best (i seriously have no idea how he's gotten the props he has) and the payoffs, in my mind anyways, simply DON'T.

but maybe the rest of this shit will blow my mind. and, frankly, maybe it's the art, because i've read some stuart immonnen stuff and loved it.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

cobwebs, dust, etc.

i just heard a hum song on a cadillac commercial, starring that guy from "the ring." weird.

i kind of can't believe that my last post was in may. i managed to go the ENTIRE summer without posting anything. truth be told, i kind of hit a funk this summer; i holed up and played a shit-ton of video games (including a lot of "lego star wars" with deidre, a game i highly suggest everyone play with their significant other because the co-op play makes you work through a lot of relationship shit while playing), which, normally, i rarely do, and occupied myself with reading comics and not leaving the house. but everything's going pretty good still. i got a new job at a new school that pays... twenty thousand dollars more a year than my last gig. yeah. i almost crashed my car when i drove away from signing the contract. it's a pretty cool place, too. all the other teachers i've met are cool, and i get to work with my friends aaron and lexie, which is also very cool, but the principal and i don't really understand one another. it's not that i dislike her, or that she dislikes me (although she very well may dislike me, let's not be presumptuous, right?), but it's that almost every conversation we have is utterly confusing. we NEVER get off on the right foot. every single interaction we have tends to be under "perfect storm" circumstances, and, like, NOTHING goes quite as it should. so i have this feeling that i may not be asked back nexy year, which sucks because of how much money it pays, but in the end i'd rather teach somewhere i feel comfortable and that gets me. because i'm hella complicated.

music: the new animal "too cool"-ective is "meh," the new liars is "meh," i like maritime, i like old al green, and i'm pretty sure i heard some other stuff that i liked but i can't really remember it right now.

movies: superbad wasn't as amazing as i'd hoped, but it was a lot of fun

comics: dude, what the fuck is DC doing to itself? countdown is ass-chunks. world war hulk is a billion times better than civil war was, and i think the new avengers is kind of falling apart. i like bendis, but man. it's fucking time to finish all this stupid avengers disassembled shit and get somewhere else. they keep talking about how the marvel universe needs change, and i agree, but it feels like these stories that are causing the changes are going on too goddamn long. the fact that they keep saying the whole m-day storyline will be resolved finally or whateever, it's just... marvel, you guys are good. really good. so just fucking stop it, already. stop it.

anyways, if spencer is blogging again, and i'm blogging again, then maybe all is really right with the world. i mean, except for the whole iraq thing, and the housing market thing, and the irreparable damage caused by the bush administration thing. and the global warming thing. and the end times thing.